The official drink of OPERATION: MAY COUCH SPARTANS. Smoked-meat finish. Mustard-yellow nose. Notes of relish, ballpark mustard, & regret.
"It tastes EXACTLY like a Costco food court combo and i'm not okay" — Ofek, after game 11
"REST ASSURED i was top 2 in any of the games" — Austin (top 2 of 2)
★ STILL ONLY $1.50 SINCE 1985 ★15 games. 4 dubs. 11 Ls. 2 hours, 8 minutes. one incident on Foundry.
| Time | Map | W/L | K | D | HS | Med | Dur | ★ Notez |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 7:44 PM | FOUNDRY | L | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 6:10 | connection check fail. Joe still installing the patch. Austin already AFK in chat. |
| 7:51 PM | STANDOFF | L | 0 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 5:35 | Devin's controller still in the box. Austin already blamed lag (we hadn't started) |
| 8:07 PM | FOUNDRY | L | 16 | 67 | 0 | 44 | 14:31 | ★ 67 DEATHS. AUSTIN picked FOUNDRY. justification: "we all needed to eat" |
| 8:18 PM | GUARDIAN | L | 17 | 14 | 2 | 37 | 6:26 | Eglind grenaded James thru the wall. friendly fire ON. nobody noticed. |
| 8:33 PM | THE PIT | L | 22 | 17 | 11 | 49 | 11:58 | 22 K and still lost. Jeremy was the only one with a working mic. |
| 8:43 PM | CONSTRUCT | L | 26 | 14 | 7 | 52 | 8:15 | 26 kills. Austin's hot mic louder than the BR. mute him pls. |
| 9:00 PM | LAST RESORT | W | 15 | 10 | 4 | 41 | 15:21 | MOVED OFF THE PROJECTOR — gained 53ms input lag reduction!! (Joe was right for once) |
| 9:17 PM | NARROWS | W | 20 | 19 | 3 | 50 | 11:37 | ★ 50 medalz. Devin man-cannon snipe of the year. Austin teabagged a wall. |
| 9:28 PM | HIGH GROUND | L | 15 | 16 | 3 | 31 | 9:10 | Graham brought the sauce. forgot the nuggets. dark times. |
| 10:08 PM | GUARDIAN | L | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0:38 | host migration. Joe's WiFi died. shocking absolutely no one. |
| 10:17 PM | GUARDIAN | L | 21 | 7 | 7 | 37 | 7:36 | ★ 3.0 K/D · carry job · Austin kept screaming "ONE MORE ROCKET" with no rockets. |
| 10:24 PM | SNOWBOUND | W | 13 | 5 | 7 | 31 | 6:53 | ★ 2.6 K/D — James went stealth mode. 7 HS, ZERO callouts. iconic. |
| 10:36 PM | THE PIT | W | 21 | 10 | 8 | 42 | 8:28 | ★ MVP ★ 42 medalz. Jeremy actually pinged a power weapon for once. miracles happen. |
| 10:53 PM | CONSTRUCT | L | 21 | 16 | 14 | 28 | 7:49 | 14 HS. Eglind betrayed me. twice. on PURPOSE. |
| 11:01 PM | BLACKOUT | L | 9 | 11 | 7 | 29 | 7:39 | final game. Ofek: "ggs boys. thanks for keeping me humble." · Devin: "get fucked Ofek." |
| ★ TOTALS · 4W / 11L ★ | 217 K | 212 D | 74 HS | 522 MED | 2:08:26 | K/D 1.02 · "we'll get em next time" -- everyone | ||
A 14-minute fever dream. 67 deaths. AUSTIN picked the map and then went 6-22 himself. He blamed the projector. The projector was off. The map has been retired from the rotation. Forever.
Ofek went FULL SWEAT MODE. Three killtacs. A no-scope from Devin. Jeremy actually called out a power weapon. Austin was in the kitchen "getting ice." The lobby went silent.
Brief moment of competence at 10:24 PM. James held the bottom base in absolute silence. 7 HS, zero callouts, zero ego. Did not return to this form for the rest of the evening.
Get fucked Ofek.
I'll make sure to bring a larger backpack next time so I can carry you harder.
Look for the player with the most teabags on Ofek. That was me.
We're all gonna chip in for a tent for you since you love camping so much.
But REST ASSURED I was top 2 in any of the games so you can just use that ;)
Second place out of 2 in all those team matches at the end that's for sure.
I think I went 3/11 that last game so thanks team for not kicking me out for feeding.
We all needed to eat.
I'd 1v4 your asses if you wanted me to.